10/10/23

For the last few weeks, my heart has been numb. You know the feeling you get when you’ve watched a polarizing, series that exhausts you emotionally? Or when you listen to a true crime podcast? That’s how I have felt. I was neck deep in that. I felt nothing… just… numb. But anytime I was at church with my Father (my Heavenly Father…) I was right as rain. I was with my people and I felt normal and at home. Otherwise, I was numb.

I have had no idea why I felt this way. We’ve been in “a weird time” for the last year and a half… I did get a harsh cold a week or so ago and it was a doozy, but that would have taken more than a few weeks or a month. What has been made clear… There are forces trying to prevent me from (but NOT successful): 

• Spend time with God, but I have been

• Hear my spirit spider senses and pray in the spirit, but I have been

• Know what the Holy Spirit is telling me when I pray in the spirit but I get translations still. I hear my Father’s still sweet and quiet voice 

• Be in tune with the Holy Spirit to know what prophetic words need to be made and delivered

• Be in alignment with our Father and clear with where He needs me 

• Be on MISSION FOR THE LORD!!! 

If I was sick this week and just said… God doesn’t need me this week… then I would miss out on all the opportunities the Lord has for me. 

Each week on Tuesday nights, our church hosts Tremble: a house of prayer. And each week, it has been blowing my mind that I will scribe during my prayer time while I’m there and it seems exactly what people may talk about that night, us pray about, someone else speak about. So, I have been stretching myself to start writing it down by being in prayer with the Lord before I get to Tremble to see if it’s still in line with what we’re doing. To let God stretch me, to see if what I’m hearing and receiving is in line.  Last Tuesday, I gave it to my pastor before we began. I also found that I asked the Lord ‘I wonder what we’ll do during Tremble tonight.’ I said wouldn’t it be cool if we washed each other’s feet one night - in my priority time and found that it was exactly what we wound up talking about. Straight facts…  

When I am with my church is when I feel most alive. But this weekend I was pretty sick. Enough that I didn’t really know what was happening around me, that kind of thing… This weekend, Hamas attacked Israel seemingly out of nowhere (at the time). I was feeling so bad on Sunday that I didn’t really notice it. But I also sensed from the spirit nudging that I needed to stay in prayer with our Lord. I kept praying into the leadings I felt even though I didn’t know what it was about. I stayed in a constant state of prayer since Thursday thru Sunday. When I realized the attack happened… and the extent of what was happening, it was probably Monday. I didn’t let up on my prayer through feeling bad. 

This past Tuesday, Even though I was sick, I wanted to be there so much on Tuesday night, but I knew it just wasn’t good for me to go. I text in my priority time info. I sent to my pastor what the Lord and I connected with on and my prayer for the night. 

The resounding message this week is I have to give God my whole YES. Sometimes that means I give my rest IN HIM… Lean into Him at all times and Trust in Him. Sometimes that means I give Him my priority time no matter what, feeling good or bad. Then sometimes that means listening and speaking in tongues  and listening. 

On Tuesday, it was being sensitive to sending that message to my pastor and knowing that this isn’t for me… this is for God’s GLORY!!!!  After I sent that message to my pastor, I sensed the lord saying “You may have felt alone and numb, but I have never left you alone, nor afraid, and I never left you. I had never forsaken you. I want my people of Israel to know this, too. I have not forgotten nor forsaken them. I am with them now, I am with them now and I am their God. I will carry them through this.

First thing I thought of when this came to me was Isaiah 43:

But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." Bring out the people who are blind, yet have eyes, who are deaf, yet have ears! All the nations gather together, and the peoples assemble. Who among them can declare this, and show us the former things? Let them bring their witnesses to prove them right, and let them hear and say, It is true. "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the LORD, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed, when there was no strange god among you; and you are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and I am God. Also henceforth I am he; there is none who can deliver from my hand; I work, and who can turn it back?"

I also felt the Lord nudging me, reminding me of these truths… 

• The Lord did not forsake Moses. For the years that he thought the Lord did… our Father was right with him… holding him in His arms. 

• Our Lord did not forsake David… when David thought all hope was lost, our Father had him in the palms of His hands gently caressing his wounds and his heart.

• Israel… Our Father has NOT FORSAKEN YOU… 

Our Father wants you to remember this truth: 

Isaiah 28:28-29 Does one crush grain for bread? No, he does not thresh it forever; when he drives his cart wheel over it with his horses, he does not crush it. This also comes from the LORD of hosts; he is wonderful in counsel and excellent in wisdom.

He has you, and His hand is over you Israel. You are His people and we love you. We will be here to help you and let you borrow our faith for as long as you need to. For you, Israel, are not alone.

I leave you with Aaron's Blessing - Numbers 6:24-27 (NIV) This is how you bless the Israelites: 
The LORD bless you and keep you; 
the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; 
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.” 
’“So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them.” - Says the Lord… 

I also believe that our God is a God that loves all people and wants to save the Palestines as well. He does not want Palestinian people to killed either, just as he says of the people of Israel. Our Father Loves you and has not forsaken you. May the Lords face shine upon you as well and you feel His love.