I began this entry on 2/11/23 

(This post is talking us through what it’s like to have covid and how our responses change, especially at work.)

We all make mistakes.

Have you ever responded to someone in a really bad way? It’s inevitable. When you realize you did… how did you make it right? Did you ask for forgiveness, do whatever you do to let the other party know you are sorry and leave it there. If they are not ready, give them time. Sometimes others need time to process and come to terms with their part in how you got to that point. But give them time… don’t be offended. 

Sometimes though… we are just not ready to go there - have you been there? Have you been in that spot where you are not ready to forgive? Or let go of a past hurt? Have you been a situation where you have had to really question your motives of what am I doing and why am I reacting this way to XYZ or to certain situations? 

So what happens inside when Covid attacks High Performing people?

Its crazy to think about who I am now and who I was then, because I have been in pretty high level jobs over the last few years and responsible for working with C-suite level executives. I was delivering high level presentations and running huge teams… and I have had some reactions that I am NOT proud of. Over the past year, it feels almost as if my emotional IQ went from exponentially high to below zero in the matter of a few weeks of me getting covid.

Can anyone out there relate to me?

There were times that I had NO idea why I was even doing it, I couldn’t explain it, now months/years later I now understand it… but then… I thought I was going crazy. :)  I will have to write more about the why to these crazy responses - the short of it is Covid and Panic attacks. IYKYK. But I will tell you how I got through It. It is a lot of retraining my brain and Jesus! 

I had to develop some really solid thought reprocessing and prep-plans for how I checked my reactions in real time before I responded so I could catch myself before I embarrassed myself too many times. And… truth be told… I did embarrass myself a lot before I realized what was happening. I wound up having to take a leave of absence and eventually ask for a layoff. (Just FYI for those who want to know).  Covid effects the mitochondrial pieces of the cells, which doctors are just starting to understand. These is the building blocks of cells and stores much of the cells basic building blocks essential for most function. Through this, that impacts your inflammation, your central nervous system, all systems in your body essentially.

I am now celiacs. My ADHD is different, my emotional control is different and I had a complete crisis of self as a whole. I want to be clear, I tried to do this without Jesus for a while. And I almost died… many times over. I will write more on this as that’s a whole story itself… but I am really focusing on the what and why here of how I am actively helping change my behavior today.

There are several questions that each of these things require you to be able to answer ahead of time. 

• Have you have quiet time so you can hear God’s voice lately? 

• Have you searched yourself lately for where you are falling short?

• Have you been in community lately / submitted to your mentors lately, let them feed into you. 

• Are you allowing yourself the safe space to say it’s NOT OK if it’s NOT OK and Asking for Help?

When we are fed, that’s when we are in overflow. We are ALL able to operate from a place of overflow. We are able to feed others, give everything we have, everything we are to God’s leading, God’s will, God’s Glory and it will not leave us depleted nor at risk. It won’t make us cranky, it won’t put us in a bad mindset. It will in fact put us in the perfect place of glory WITH Jesus to receive more. We have to seek it first in order to find It, find Him and find that level of freedom even in the “crisis” or what feels like a crisis in the moment.

First: Mindset - how are you responding? 

• Are you coming at this from a healthy mindset? (Responding in hurt or in health)?

• If you are feeling some type of way (as the kids say)?

  • Take a few minutes, a breather to understand why you are in this funk or simply feel your feels

  • Know there is no wrong way to process your feelings - so long as you’re not hurting someone else

• If you are stuck, try to understand why you are feeling emotionally stuck or hurt

• You can try to gather your thoughts and prepare your thoughts in a quiet, calm, safe space

• If you are an external processor, call someone whom you consider a safe person to talk this out with

Its important we do these things so we do not put ourselves or our family in an unsafe or emotionally traumatic situation. If you need to take a walk, do so for everyones’ sake.

Next: What’s the reaction from? 

• A place of fear? Anger? Why? Do you know? If you do, find a verse to combat it and pray. God will reveal the root. 

• Sadness? Is it fear masquerading as sadness? Are you trying to prickle up to protect yourself or someone else? 

• Pride? Are you boasting and performing? Conflating yourself? 

• Resentment or hate against someone from past hurts? Do you need to forgive? Can you let it go? 

• Often, no matter how much work we’ve done to fix this… our past is in our responses.

• Pray into these feelings if you are not sure the root. Ask God to show you in a way you understand.

Once you pinpoint it, find a verse to combat it and pray. God will reveal. 

Ask yourself, are my actions going help or hurt the situation in the long run. 

• You may think it’s the best for you now, but is it the best for all parties involved in the long run?

• How will the other people feel about this in a year? Will they care? 

• If it’s negligible, then no problem… if it will do more damage then good, you need to rethink this. 

Then: Check your motivations… 

• Am I saying this to serve me or serve Jesus?

  • Are you doing this so you can be exalted, God will not bless your actions

• If you’re doing it so you can get your pride fix, be careful… because God will fix you. 

• If you’re doing it for a selfish reason, proceed with caution… Again, God will fix you… 

• If you have not spent time with God recently, it will be hard for you to see your motivations clearly. 

Motivations: Do you know this will honor Jesus?

• Are you here to help yourself or Jesus?

• Are your action/thoughts in accordance with God’s will?

• Have you spent time with God lately to know what God wants for you?

• Have you asked him what He needs from your?

• Try asking Him what He thinks of you

• This is how you will know, I guarantee you, if you do this with a pure heart and clear mind, and ask him to show you in a way you will understand… He will speak to you so you can hear Him clearly

Lastly: Am I speaking positivity into this?

You truly do carry the power of life and death with your tongue… 

• We don’t fix problems with the constant complaining spin, you fix it with your tongue 

• Praying, binding, loosing God over you/your situation, into it - you must do your part so God can do His. 

• Have you engaged your community and submitted to someone - allowed them to mentor you or speak life into you/ lift you up? 

What happens if I don’t handle things well? 

Do you recall what I wrote at the beginning of this? We all make mistakes. But you must seek God first. Start with Jesus. Everything starts with Jesus.

You need to have a clear mind, not impaired by meds or other “substances”. Just you and Him. you don’t even require a bible, if you have a phone or computer that’s really all you need… you can look up versus. But you are not alone. 100% of humanity is in your shoes, this is can guarantee. we have all made mistakes with you.

• Have you done everything you can to make things right? 

• Do not rush to respond. Nothing good will come from responding from an unhealthy place

• if you need, bring a neutral 3rd party like a pastor/ counselor or therapist into this, ensure all parties are comfortable 

• Apologize, truly say you are sorry to anyone and everyone you may have hurt… Even God.

  • Ask Jesus to show you the ways you have sinned or hurt Him. What I will guarantee you… Jesus will do this and love you with gentle kindness. There is no condemnation in this process… this is no guilt or shame or harsh feelings… This is the first step into being free from the bondage of everything else I have let weigh me down. I promise, this was probably one of the EASIEST things I did… was to get right with God again. Apologizing to Humans is WAYYYYYYYYY harder….

• Commit to the process, find someone to help you stay accountable. It is going to be much harder for you to do this without people around you who are on the same path doing the same thing as you, who are positive and seeking a positive life. Covid sucks. A life without God sucks, y’all. A life in misery sucks. A life of pain, SUCKS.

  • Boldly, make the choice to leave it and I promise you, it will be hard, but you will be so grateful you did this.

What do I do if I DO handle things well? 

• First, give a shout of thanks to God!!! Seriously!!!! We really do need to thank God in all things and for all the small miracles as well as the big! 

• We find ways to celebrate the win again!!

• Repeat it!!!

• We keep a listen for our friends who are struggling with similar challenges so we can help them

• You keep praying for God to strengthen you to keep doing this more and show you how to do it bigger next time.